According to estimates made public late yesterday, Medicare and Social Security are going bankrupt sooner rather than later. A commentator on today's NPR Morning Edition said that securing the financial viability of these federal safety net programs would be as simple as noticeably raising payroll taxes or substantially lowering payments to beneficiaries.
I believe I have a better idea. Legalize narcotics and encourage people to use them in copious amounts. Get preteens smoking cigarettes again. Convince everyone that Jerry Springer-guest fat really is where it's at. Lift all speed limits and remove seat belts, airbags, and child seats from cars. Do away with most environmental and food safety regulations.
The underlying problem with Medicare and Social Security is that too many damn people are sticking around long enough to collect benefits. When president Franklin Roosevelt signed the Social Security Act into law in 1935, eligibility began at age 60 and the average life expectancy for Americans born in 1900 was just longer than 47 years. Ah, the good old days of promises the government didn't have to keep.
But even more than that, it seems like everyone has just lost their interest in doing right by society by checking out early. Anymore, no one seems willing to ignore that lump. Fewer and fewer people want to do their civic duty and not call 911 after that chain saw accident.
So here's the choice: Pay more and get less or work to keep people out of the pool. But, you know, only those people who aren't related to me. And certainly not my friends and aquaintenances. All of those people deserve every cent the government can spend and more.
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