Joke for a Friday

I'm too busy today trying to find my moral outrage over the Barry Bonds' situation to prepare a proper post today, so I'll give you all a joke. I only hope that laughter can somehow heal a nation torn asunder by an adult accepting some known risks in order to improve his job performance.

Should that not be the case, we can all at least take some comfort in knowing that, sometimes, being a jerk really is a federal offense.

==================

It's another Friday down the pub with Paddy and the lads. Paddy, as usual, is in his cups and telling the most outrageous stories about how strong he was in his younger days, how fast he could run, how much he could drink, and just on and on.

Tom the barman never much minded Paddy's boasts, and his mates were as happy to match Paddy lie for lie as they were to try to prove him wrong.

Except on this particular Friday, Paddy makes a claim Tom just has to call him on.

"I cannot only out drink alla yez even today," Paddy roars, "I can out piss yez all, too!"

Hearing this, Tom rings the bell to get everyone's attention, looks Paddy right in the eye, and says, "No sir, I don't think you are a world class pisser."

"Wha," Paddy blurts, "I'll prove it right now." Not really thinking he'll have to, of course.

But Tom will not be dissuaded. "It just so happens," Tom says loudly enough for everyone in the pub to hear and in his best barrister's voice, "that we have had this out in this very establishment many times. It's been a few years, but we have the winners of past pissing contests marked out back in the alley. Are you man enough to make your play, Paddy?"

Paddy isn't man enough, but he doesn't want to look like a fool either, so he says, "I could be, Tom. I could be. But what'll I get when I put all th' others to shame."

Without missing a beat, Tom says, "Paddy, if you set the new mark, your pints are free every Friday for a year."

"Let's have a go, then," Paddy replies as he polishes off his Guinness for one last good measure.

Sparing the details, Paddy gives the alley his best shot and hits the remarkable distance of 8.3 meters. Almost a full meter short of the mark set 15 years earlier.

Once everyone is back inside, Paddy looks up from his pint and tells Tom, "I just can't believe it. I coulda swore I could out piss anyone."

"Don't beat yourself up, lad," Tom commiserates. "You did yer best. Better than I thought you could, in fact. Tell ya what. This round and the next are on the cuff for a match well played."

"Thanks," says Paddy, "but I don't know if that'll help. I mean, to lose to me own ma!"

==================

The moral is, of course, always be sure who exactly you're getting into a pissing contest with.

Word Count to Date: 13,544