This is my favorite joke of all time that doesn't end "That's okay. I got to eat a bunch of corn on the cob somebody was throwing out the window, It was buttered and everything." No one should ever tell or listen to that joke. Here's the other one.
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Rosie O'Donnell, finally realizing that she just isn't getting the help she needs from her long-time psychotherapist, gets a referral and sets up an appointment with a new guy all her friends say is great.
She is a little worried about how the new sessions will go, but she shows up for her first appointment with Dr. Bob hoping for the best.
"Doc," Rosie begins, "I can't hold a job, the state won't let me adopt any more kids, my brothers and sisters don't answer the phone when I call. Everything's just a mess. You gotta help me."
Dr. Bob is quiet for a minute before he finally says, "Yes. Yes, I see. Let's try something."
Rosie jumps on the suggestion immediately. "Sure, anything. Whatever you say because I'm in really bad shape."
The psychiatrist, encouraged by Rosie's willingness, says, "Okay. What I need you to do is take off all your clothes, get on your hands and knees, and crawl over to that corner," pointing to a spot just under his office window.
Rosie really is willing to try anything she thinks could help, so she strips and goes over to where Dr. Bob said she should.
"No, I don't think that's what we'll need," the psychiatrist mutters. Then, louder, he tells Rosie to crawl over to the far wall by the door under all his framed degrees and licenses. "Better, but still not working," Dr. Bob decides. "Rosie, can you come more into the middle of the room? Like right about ... here?"
Rosie finally starts thinking this is too weird and could not possibly be helping her sort out her personal and professional issues. But she wants to trust the psychiatrist, so she makes one more trip on hands and knees to where Dr. Bob had pointed.
"Yes! That's perfect!" Dr. Bob exclaims. "I believe we're done here, Ms. O'Donnell. You can put your clothes back on, and be sure to check with the receptionist on your way out."
Rosie is beyond confused, angry even. "What do you mean, "We're done?!" she blurts. "We hardly spoke. I was naked and crawling around. How was that supposed to solve any of my problems?"
"Oh," Dr. Bob replies, "There isn't really anything I could do to make you better until you stop being such a hateful person. Your whole problem, which only you can solve, is that you need to be nicer to people and less of a braying ass."
Rosie is really angry now. "But I trusted you! I was naked, crawling! Why did you have me do all that if it served no purpose?"
"It definitely served a purpose," Dr. Bob explained. "See, I'm getting an overstuffed white couch delivered next week, and I needed to see where it would look best."
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Rosie O'Donnell, finally realizing that she just isn't getting the help she needs from her long-time psychotherapist, gets a referral and sets up an appointment with a new guy all her friends say is great.
She is a little worried about how the new sessions will go, but she shows up for her first appointment with Dr. Bob hoping for the best.
"Doc," Rosie begins, "I can't hold a job, the state won't let me adopt any more kids, my brothers and sisters don't answer the phone when I call. Everything's just a mess. You gotta help me."
Dr. Bob is quiet for a minute before he finally says, "Yes. Yes, I see. Let's try something."
Rosie jumps on the suggestion immediately. "Sure, anything. Whatever you say because I'm in really bad shape."
The psychiatrist, encouraged by Rosie's willingness, says, "Okay. What I need you to do is take off all your clothes, get on your hands and knees, and crawl over to that corner," pointing to a spot just under his office window.
Rosie really is willing to try anything she thinks could help, so she strips and goes over to where Dr. Bob said she should.
"No, I don't think that's what we'll need," the psychiatrist mutters. Then, louder, he tells Rosie to crawl over to the far wall by the door under all his framed degrees and licenses. "Better, but still not working," Dr. Bob decides. "Rosie, can you come more into the middle of the room? Like right about ... here?"
Rosie finally starts thinking this is too weird and could not possibly be helping her sort out her personal and professional issues. But she wants to trust the psychiatrist, so she makes one more trip on hands and knees to where Dr. Bob had pointed.
"Yes! That's perfect!" Dr. Bob exclaims. "I believe we're done here, Ms. O'Donnell. You can put your clothes back on, and be sure to check with the receptionist on your way out."
Rosie is beyond confused, angry even. "What do you mean, "We're done?!" she blurts. "We hardly spoke. I was naked and crawling around. How was that supposed to solve any of my problems?"
"Oh," Dr. Bob replies, "There isn't really anything I could do to make you better until you stop being such a hateful person. Your whole problem, which only you can solve, is that you need to be nicer to people and less of a braying ass."
Rosie is really angry now. "But I trusted you! I was naked, crawling! Why did you have me do all that if it served no purpose?"
"It definitely served a purpose," Dr. Bob explained. "See, I'm getting an overstuffed white couch delivered next week, and I needed to see where it would look best."
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If that doesn't make your Sunday great, just remember that Virginia Tech beat Florida State in football yesterday, Navy got bowl-eligible by beating North Texas 74-62 in regulation, and military tensions between the United States and Canada remain low.
Word Count to Date: 9,151
1 comment:
Claire gave her friend Steve that exact t-shirt for his birthday!
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